A walk downtown…

… with my 13-year-old son, Ev.  He has been sullen for most of a year, since he turned 13 last November, but because of my recent sad morose-ness, has become quite concerned about me and has been interacting, more than usual.

Downtown is a 45 minute walk away, and mother and son have plenty of opportunity to talk, but mostly we travel in silence.  First stop was the bank, which was very crowded because it’s Friday, and the lineups were brutal.  At least it was customer appreciation day and we each had a cookie while we waited.  I was cashing in $46.50 in coinage that I rolled while watching Buffy season 6 yesterday afternoon.  $46.50 in coin is very heavy, and because I made 13-year-old carry the coins he made $10.00 for his trouble.

After that we stopped at the blighted mall for a quick bite.   This mall is really the armpit of this city, having passed its prime over 20 years ago.  Now the entrance is where the homeless and aimless gather to smoke and where a very fragile oldish woman somehow ended up on the ground with her walker on top of her.  I was walking quickly but noticed that although there were a few people standing around her, nobody was actually helping her.  So I moved her walker, and helped her sit, and then after glaring at a young man we both lifted her and settled her into her walker.  My son was impressed and looks upon me as a little hero.

The 13-year-old went off for the night with the 18-year-old.  They are involved with a Dungeon and Dragons group and although the Ev was not actually invited out for the evening with the older group, F took him along.  When we moved here F was only 13 and hated his younger brother.  It had happened quite suddenly and Ev was lost.  New city, no friends, no brother.  I’m glad that passed.

And I commented on a blog I followed about loss.  Loss is always close by these days.

I think I’ll take my glass of wine out to the deck and read for a while.   Soon it will be autumn.

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So close

We looked at a house last week, in a small city near where husband works.  It’s a harbour town, on Lake Erie.  The property is huge : 90 x 240 feet, with a long driveway and it was near parkland and trails.  Like a small town within the city.  Sigh, it has a conditional offer on it and not for me.  😦

The house was ancient and rough.  Good bones, very good energy.

But not for me.

Now I know where I want to live, and what I need.  Privacy, space.  I want to feel as though I’m in the country, but be in the city.  Not much to ask…

Unless something comes up in that little area we are waiting until spring to look.  The boys need to start and finish school and Morgan needs to have one more year living at home before we toss her out to live on her own.

I think I need antidepressants [swore I’d never go that route again but self-medicating with wine is not great either].

I need to gather myself together and get out of this funk.  I need to find a focus.  I need to get through this summer.  The heat has been stupid, and I realise that I am a not a summer person.  Give me winter and the ability to hermit, give me winter and sweaters and leggings.   I hate the feeling of sticky sweat on my legs and arms.

I shall paint the living room and work on the basement.  Clean the carpets in the attic and make the youngest a curtain and window covering.  Spring we will list, when the flowers look their best.

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Consequences or revenge

My back is healing, although I had to resort to some meds. Today I don’t need one and I’ll be walking downtown with youngest later on to hit the library and check out the farmers market.

The graduation went well.  The day was not too hot and it was lovely to see everyone.  Much joy on the deck ~ we never had put so many bodies out there before.

Last night when I got home from work I noticed ~ with some glee ~ that the evil neighbours had parked in front, facing the wrong way on a two-way street.  Unfortunately I had not forgotten the ticket I re’d two weeks ago, because of them, and I did call the after-hours by-law office and after a long, agonizing wait, a black car pulled up and they did get a ticket.  That is the first time I have called the bylaw office on a neighbour, and I suspect it will be the last.  I do not like this role I play now.

At least he has returned to work this week after 2 weeks holidays.  It makes me shake physically when he starts to yell out his kitchen window while his does dishes.  Curses and crazy muttering.  It’s quiet again, at least today.

I’m still thinking of that ancient house on the huge lot we saw last week ~ it slips into my dreams when I sleep.

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Oh God, another heat wave…

… and our old air conditioning unit is too ill to use.  I hate sweating.  Hate.  It.  I would love to wear a sweater anytime soon, or at least need one in the evenings sitting out.  But it’s just tepid bath and tepid shower, over and over again.

Yesterday I did a lot of cleaning, preparing for the visitors coming on Sunday.  I’m thinking 20 tops will show, which is enough for this small space.  I worry about my niece and her husband, being that they are extremely heavy.  Husband assures me that the deck is sturdy, and our new chairs are as well.  Thankfully the old Ikea wicker chairs are gone.  Cheap as they were, they only lasted [barely] 4 seasons.

So I washed floors, dusted and vacuumed.  Sweat poring off of my back by 10 am in the morning, I took a break and watched a Buffy with daughter.  Then the basement  to attack bathroom and cat room and unruly bookshelves…  Found a mushroom growing under the shower stall and promptly moved de-humidifier into that room to dry it out.

Husband commented that the only thing it was doing was pulling the dampness out from beneath the deck unless we closed the window in there…  I was a bit rude [husband has not been breathing right this week] and then felt badly later on so I got the Rubbermaid stool, and crawled up onto the washer and closed the stubborn window.

And I wrecked my back.  The same spot that always wants to act up.  Lower back to the right.

So today I’m nearly half disabled, and have more to do on the upper level.  Then I have to do the shopping so tomorrow can be spent organizing and preparing food.  Saturday I work.  My back hurts.  I’m sulking.

Our coffee maker has decided to be touchy.  Doesn’t like the humidity.  Won’t work in this weather.

A mound of basil from old Gus down the street ~ need to make pesto today as well.

On with it.

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Dreaming of chickens

Last week was rough.  Living beside insanely unfriendly people, who are ignorant to boot is hard.  Spirit-grinding.  Needless to say my new hobby is looking at properties on M.L.S. in the Niagara Falls area, properties with long driveways and corner lots to minimize neighbours at all.

The evil ones are properly paranoid now.  They move their van every 12 hours on the dot, and after all the fuss about wanting to park in front of my house, they seem to avoid that spot completely.  After calling the bylaw officer 3 times on me last week, now they must sense that I have the bylaw number on speed-dial and will use that function with glee.

We sold our van, a very painless process.  I put the ad on kijiji on Thursday morning and it was sold by Sat afternoon.  We haven’t really used it since last year.  I bike or walk here in the city or take the bus.  Husband has a work truck which we park in the garage.

This morning I’ll go into work, but expect to only be open for a couple of hours because of the holidy.  Then perhaps a wee drive into Niagara…

In Niagara Falls you can have backyard chickens if your lot is 40 x 100.  It’s cheaper there as well…  Maybe I could even have a beehive or two.  We’ve noticed less bees this summer.  Lots of tomatoes, but many blossoms are not pollinated.  I could grow red currants and asparagus…

This neighbour experience has left me with a bruised spirit.  I wonder often what could I have done in a past life to deserve this?  It reminds me of when we had to find the dog a new home after 10 months, and immediately found kittens under the porch in the window well.  We placed 24 kittens in 2 years and I ended up being a Cat Woman.  It made me really believe in karma.

All that is left to me, if we stay here, is enjoying our space as much as possible.  When we are out, they usually stay in.  They have moved their bbq all the way across the lawn away from the fence and they can now cook way over there with the mosquitoes.

Our privacy on the deck is complete, with the added bonus that we can see them, but they cannot see us.  Adds to the paranoia I imagine.  They can creep around the yard like evil beetles.

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My little depressing post of sadness

I never met evil before I moved to this house nearly 4 years ago.  I can make friends with any sort of person, and getting along is so ingrained in the way I was raised that it’s very nearly a fault.

My neighbours HATE me.  They hate everyone, but really, really hate me.  They hate my husband too, and all the other people on the street.  They hate.  They do it well.  They are on one side, they are very close.

It is affecting my quality of life.  I don’t garden in the front, because he mumbles curses inside his house that I can hear.  Husband goes to work, he is away.  Husband is half deaf, and cannot hear the curses.

I want to leave my beautiful little house and move far away.  I want to move to the edge of a town with no close neighbours and a huge driveway and be done with this space.

This city has worn me down, it has broken me.  I’m ready to cut my losses and dissappear.

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My Beige Years

I never thought it would be so. I have always pictured myself as a person of colour, a person who needs warm shades surrounding me. Golds and greens have been my tones in this house, carefully matching into the stained glass windows.

But today I paint my dining room Hemingway. Hemingway is a lovely off-white, and I am going to lighten up my space. First the dining room, next the living room and then front hall and right up the stairs to the very small upper foyer.

All those decorating magazines that I mocked for the stark white rooms, here I come.

Why the change? It’s a dark house in the winter. A front porch shades the living room and the dining room now has a privacy lattice to shade the deck. Winter light is fragile, and the simplicity of white appeals to me, at this time.

And I have too many chairs. Too many rocking chairs. And something has to go! I need to clean out my space of the unused and unnecessary.

Next I want white roman blinds and very light curtains.

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